Mar 23, 2023
After being abused by her drug-addicted mother, she was adopted at the age of 4. Victoria has been driven to show the world that no matter your circumstances, you can create a successful and happy life. Today she is a wife, mom, and Corporate Executive who received many awards. Victoria’s message is that we CAN have it all as long as we live a life of NoExcuses.
Shownotes:
Victoria Pelletier was a determined 11-year-old who wanted to be better than what she had. Even though she had to deal with a lot of trouble and trauma as a child, she was determined to do well and worked her way to the top, becoming COO at 24, President at 35, and CEO at 41. She learned to pick herself up and keep going, and her drive helped her achieve many things. Victoria now serves on many boards, coaches and mentors female entrepreneurs, and speaks on leadership, culture, diversity, and inclusion, all to make the world a safer, more welcoming place. In her book, "Unstoppable," she talks about her motto and life philosophy, which she hopes will inspire other people to be brave and take charge of their lives.
In this episode, you will learn the following:
1. How Victoria Pelletier achieved success in business despite extreme adversity and trauma in her childhood.
2. How she developed resilience and overcame challenges to become an unstoppable force.
3. How she encourages others to take control of their career and build a strong personal brand.
Connect with Victoria Pelletier:
Victoria Pelletier on Linkedin
Victoria Pelletier on Instagram
Want to hear more of Victoria Pelletier’s story? Grab your copy of the Unstoppable book here.
Connect with Sabine Kvenberg:
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TRANSCRIPT
00:00:00 Sabine: Hello, my name is Sabine Kvenberg, founder and host of BECOME. The content will inspire you to reach your aspirations and become the best version of yourself. I feature interviews with successful individuals from various industries, delving into their personal and professional journeys and their strategies to achieve their goals. We have to become the person we are meant to be first, so we can live the life we are destined to live. That means we must overcome challenges and to work through difficult times to learn, grow, and become the new, more fabulous version of ourselves. I'm so glad that you're here. Let's get on this journey together.
00:00:54 Sabine: My guest today, Victoria Pelletier, has an unstoppable spirit. She is a prolific speaker, whose personal story carries so much strength. After being abused by her drug addicted mother, she was adopted at the age of four. Victoria has been driven to show the world that no matter your circumstances, you can create a successful and happy life. Today, she is a wife, mom, and corporate executive who received many awards. Victoria's message is that “We CAN have it all, as long as we live a life of NoExcuses.” Welcome, Victoria, I'm so happy to have you as my guest today.
00:01:42 Victoria: Thanks, Sabine. I'm happy to be here.
00:01:44 Sabine: And I must say, reading your bio, it seems like you must be already ready for retirement. But I see you're here in front of me and you're this beautiful young woman, have accomplished so many things. But I'm sure that you also had to go through some of challenging situations. But before we go into your unstoppable mentality and vigorous character, why don't you give us just a quick background of who you are? What you have done?
00:02:25 Victoria: Sure, happy to. So I am, as you said, a long time in business, which is why you expected to see more gray hair here. I do cover them, mind you. I had been working since I was 11. And by 14, I was already in my first leadership role and promoted up through the ranks. What's really interesting is I expected to be a lawyer. That's what I was studying and was about to transfer to law school when I had the opportunity to take a promotion from the bank that I was working at, at the time. And when I decided I was never after that work for a number of years, I was like, “I guess I'm not going back to law school or going to law school, nor moving back to my hometown.” And continue the progression from there and became a COO at just age 24, president by 35, CEO at 41.
00:03:16 Victoria: And where it comes from quite honestly, use the phrase and title of my book, Unstoppable. It is my mantra and my life's philosophy. And I often talk about diversity, equity, inclusion, and understanding people's why. And that's their lived experience, what gets them to where they are today. And your listeners are probably wondering, and as do many of the people that I speak to, where did the drive? Where did this all come from? How did it come into being? And it's because I overcame extreme adversity in my youth, abused by the teenage drug addicted mother, who gave birth to me, for a number of years. I was fortunate to be adopted. And a series of other unfortunate events that occurred from there through my childhood. And I believe that you have a choice in terms of how you react and respond to things and pick up and how do you move forward. So it is those early years that really pushed me to be better than either the biology that I was born into or the circumstances, which I had otherwise experienced too, to get to where I am today.
00:04:17 Sabine: So at what age were you adopted?
00:04:21 Victoria: At four.
00:04:22 Sabine: Okay, okay. So, obviously, the first few years are very, very pregnant for us as human beings, but we get there and a lot of the stuff lives in our unconscious mind even up into adulthood. So when you said you had some of abuse and challenges in your childhood, can you remember what that was?
00:04:49 Victoria: I can and it's unusual because a lot of children don't remember things before the age of six or seven perhaps. And for me, I can very much remember being two and three years old, and abused by my biological mother, whether that was pushed up and down stairs. I had teeth that had been impacted as a result of that, even my baby teeth. Even to this day, one of my eye droops a little bit lower than the other because I had a cigarette in my eye and I wore a patch for months.
00:05:20 Sabine: Oh, my goodness.
00:05:21 Victoria: So I remembered a lot of it. Those were, ended up being quite formative, even though we would say it's a little bit later in children's lives just because of the trauma that I dealt with.
00:05:31 Sabine: Wow, wow. That is something. I've never heard of this, that you remember. But obviously, it was very traumatic. During your years of being adopted, how was that for you as a child? Did you really see them as your parents? Or were they just basically taking care of you? What was that bond that you had with your adopted parents?
00:06:03 Victoria: I very much saw them as my parents. And that's grown into how I view it today. You parents are those that raise you, quite frankly. And so they are my parents. And so I viewed them that way. But what I will say is the trauma and feeling, like I internalized a lot of the abuse I received at the hands of my biological mother as something I did wrong, and then ultimately to be removed. And/or she agreed to give me to my adoptive parents so that they knew one another. But still, I felt a sense of rejection and insecurity always. So even though I believed my parents were my parents, and my mum, especially I had a much closer bond to her than I did to my dad. I was still pushing away. I remember my mom saying to me many times, like “Tori, you need to stop. We are not giving you away.” Because I would push and I would challenge out of fear, quite honestly. Like if I can push you away before you do me, maybe it's a less hurt, is what I viewed it. So it took a lot of years to get comfortable in that setting.
00:07:09 Sabine: Yeah, I mean, this is one of those coping mechanism that we have as human beings. And I know what you're talking about. And fortunately, I was not abused, but I lost my birth father when I was just three years old. And I didn't remember much. But in my adulthood, way later in my adulthood, I had really fear of rejections, fear of being left alone, and I didn't know where this come from. I had separation anxieties, when I was in my adulthood, until I really worked through it. And it came about, that it was from those childhood experiences. And I totally get it, we have to work through it. Now, obviously, what was it in your upbringing? Was your foster parents or was your adopted parents that led you to who you are today, that unstoppable personality that you have, really wanting to succeed? Where are they going? Were they acting as role models for you? Did they give you some push? Was this something evolved other than yourself?
00:08:31 Victoria: I think, I wouldn't say it was, role models for my parents. My mum, at one point said, “You have to do better than us.” She actually meant socioeconomically and vocationally because my dad was a school janitor. And my mom was a secretary. She had wishes of being an artist or whatnot. And her own father pushed her down a very different path. And so they encouraged me to do more and better in their eyes. Sabine, I think hearing that from my parents, it was nice and helpful. But the reality is, I became so driven. The early years for me were outside of my control. And so for me, my schoolwork and then my paid work were all things that I could control, my work ethic, how hard I worked, how much learnings and credentials I received to be better and better from a work perspective. And so it was that drive that I think really propelled me, not because I had role models. I just was determined I was going to be better than biology or circumstance.
00:09:34 Victoria: And then the other thing is, I had a number of things happen to me throughout childhood. So the height I am now, we can't tell through this, for the subtle screen. I mean, I was five foot eight by the time I was 11. Maybe I remember being taller than my teachers. I was gifted academically in a time where the kids made fun of it whereas I feel like in today's society, in generation, they admire that. So there were just lots of challenges to a teenage rape for me as well. So it was all of these things that just came in to me. And I think at some point, you have a choice to pick up and move on or wallow in that. And I worry about what that would look like. So long way of saying, I think my mum helped and pushed me, but I was running towards something, always.
00:10:25 Sabine: It is definitely something that, if you get this recognition, if you are the best that you can be, then you feel good about yourself and knowing that you're worth something versus how you grew up and how you were treated like you were worth nothing. I think that could have been a coping mechanism. So you mentioned you had to go through a teenage rape.
00:10:57 Victoria: Yeah, it was hard, me raped when I was 14 by, I'll say a man because technically, he was an adult. He was 18. I skipped a couple of grades in school, so I was younger in high school. And this was a high school senior that I had just started dating, had been introduced me from another friend. And sadly, that didn't end very well for me. And I always look back at that. And I'm a big believer in now around developing a healthy level of resilience. And I very much didn't have that, as I said, picking yourself up and moving forward. But a lot of times, I think I just compartmentalize the feelings, emotions, and really didn't process whatever has happened. And so for me, now I can look back on that, and no rape victim should ever be blamed.
00:11:46 Victoria: So I'm going to say that as I make this next statement. I think I often put myself in a bad situation, when I was younger, to be liked, to be loved, to be accepted. And so some of the ways in which I did that could be considered some riskier behavior and has put myself not in the best situation. And so this was one of those. Again, there's no victim shaming or blaming for this. But at the same time, it's part of what caused me to remember with my mum, who was aware, and we talked through it, like how did this come to be. And I'd, just a couple years before, been hanging out with much older boys. And I think all of that was, again, as I said, just an attempt to feel good and liked and loved and accepted.
00:12:30 Sabine: I'll thank you so much for sharing this because there was so much wisdom with what you just said, that we do things in our lives, risky things in our lives, that led us to an undesirable experience. But at the same time, we were just trying to do our best, to trying to fit in, trying to be loved because that's our human nature. We want to be loved. We want to fit in. And sometimes, it ends up in a not so good situation. But the most important part, what you also shared is that, “Hey, we have to work through it. And we should not be feeling shamed or blamed, any of the situation.” So I really appreciated that you share that part of it because sometimes, it's being overlooked. It's just like, “Oh, my God, how sad it was.” But we also have to see the whole of a picture. And I believe every situation will make us stronger and leads us to our life's path, where we are now. So bringing us to where you are now, tell us what engages you? What are you passionate about? What drives you today?
00:14:01 Victoria: So there are a number of things. And what's funny is I put in my email signature line that I made multipotentialite. And that being that I had a ton of different interests and passions that get me motivated and bring me joy. I will say I do enjoy working. My husband jokes that I'm never going to retire. I enjoy the challenge of leading large scale businesses and the complexity of those. After I left the bank and got recruited at 24 to be a COO, my journey from there has been almost exclusively in the business to business, professional services space. And that in itself is complex because you're dealing with corporate clients who pay a bill and either their customers or employees to provide some kind of a service. And so that's, still excites me, the work that I do.
00:14:48 Victoria: But it shifted to getting joy from many, many other things. And so for me, I sit on a multitude of boards or I have over the last many years, a number of which were not the profits, but they align very much with the things that matter to me. One was a national vocational services organization. So you know, new immigrants to the country, that's when I was living in Canada. So new immigrants to Canada or those that were underemployed and helping them find employment. The other one was being a part of Canada's largest child welfare agency. They're fundraising arm, the Children's Aid Foundation. Being the children from the system, I wanted a way to give back. And then I also do that on for profit boards on things that I care about or I think are great opportunities. And I coach and mentor female entrepreneurs. And I have been staunchly committed to a much more diverse and inclusive world, not just the workplaces that I work in, but the communities I live in and in creating safe spaces for people to belong. And so I do a lot of talks. I'm a public speaker, as well. And I talk on a number of those things, leadership, culture, diversity, inclusion, being just some of them.
00:15:57 Sabine: I love it. That's what makes a difference. Each individual person can make a difference by the way they show up. And you show up in so many different ways. If you had a magic wand and you could wish anything to change in this world or in your own life, what would that be?
00:16:21 Victoria: Hmm. I've always said that when I talk about my children. So I have two children, who are both technically adults now, because my younger one is 18, that my job was to raise two really good humans. And so first and foremost, I work hard. I spent 220 days traveling on the road one year when my children were quite young. And as much as I love that, I love being a mother. What I would change however, is my younger one. If I could bring some of that fairy dust over, my younger one is bipolar and has lots of mental health challenges. And I wish a better life for Jordan, my youngest, and then I could just flick a switch. One of my nicknames in businesses, the turnaround queen, because I fix things. And this is one of those things that I can't fix. So I wish that genie in a bottle to come in and sprinkle some of that dust on my youngest.
00:17:24 Sabine: Oh, that is beautiful. That really shows how much you care. And sometimes dealing with family members, knowing they could be better if ABC would happen, right? But at the end, I believe we all are dealing our own fate. And sometimes, as an outside person or somebody very close, like you as a mother, we might see this as an unfortunate circumstance. But then you never know what comes out of it and why this happens. Maybe this is exactly what she needs to go through right now to later on maybe talk about it, maybe help some other person go through it because she went through it. So I always try to see if I can find the silver lining to everything. And sometimes, it also means we have to let go of the attachment of that person, right?
00:18:37 Victoria: Yeah.
00:18:37 Sabine: Yeah, yeah.
00:18:39 Victoria: Yeah, it's tough.
00:18:44 Sabine: Just sprinkle some light, to send some light in this direction because everything is energy. And so for whatever it's worth, I hope that she is getting through there with ease and fast. So, right now, you are also a contributor to a book that was called Unstoppable. What was your contribution to that book?
00:19:12 Victoria: Yeah, so there were a number of authors who each wrote a chapter for the book. And the funny thing is it was a friend of mine, who had worked with his publisher before, and she got me connected. And when I found out the subject of the book was Unstoppable, about changemakers, who dare to make a difference, that's the full title of the book. I was like, “That is me through and through.” So I was really excited to become part of it. And actually, the publishers decided to make me the first chapter in the book, which felt great. And it was nice to be alongside other Unstoppable individuals, those who have moved and/or made great changes in their or other's lives.
00:19:54 Sabine: Yeah, that is fantastic. Congratulations. What was the topic that you were talking about?
00:20:00 Victoria: I shared my story. The chapter is called ‘Courage To Live.’ And so I shared some of what I share with you here today in the listening audience and some of the things and advice I would give others around their own courage to live or to be unstoppable.
00:20:15 Sabine: Oh, wow. I encourage everybody to get that book. And where can they get that book? Can you share your site with our listeners?
00:20:28 Victoria: For sure, and thanks for asking. I have a personal website, which is victoria-pelletier.com. And there, you'll find that, not only the book, but for those who are interested in a public speaker, you'll find samples of me speaking there. And otherwise, I publish regular articles and content, both on my blog and for other news outlets.
00:20:50 Sabine: Wonderful. And I'll make sure that I put this information into the show notes. If there is one piece of advice you would like to leave our listeners with, what would that be?
00:21:07 Victoria: I'm a big believer in this notion of control. And therefore, I talk and coach a lot of people about, “You're the CEO, a brand you.” And so taking complete charge of that, whether it's around building a strong personal brand, which I think is critically important for. Even if you're straight out of post secondary, I think it's important to start building a brand there and that tells people who you are, what's your unique value proposition to the world and into business specifically. So you need to control the narrative around that and how you show up. But it also means, when I say CEO of you, that you don't put your career in someone else's hands. You take charge in terms of maintaining your skills and making sure you're relevant for where the market and the world is moving, and not just assuming that your good performance is going to move you to the next level. So really being in charge. And I have the saying, “You don't ask, you don't get.” My children know that well now, but I think that's important. And I'd encourage your listeners to do that for themselves.
00:22:11 Sabine: I love it. You don't ask, you don't get. Yes, I always say, “Ask and you shall receive.” And that's the truth. I always, always have done that in my life. And I can second that, that this does work. Thank you so much, Victoria, for being here with my listeners sharing your story and your wisdom. So thank you so much.
00:22:38 Victoria: Thank you.
00:22:41 Sabine: That was my interview. And if you enjoyed it, give us a five star review. Leave a comment and share it with your friends. Thanks for listening. Until I see you again. Always remember, so from the heart, follow your passion and live the life you imagine.